Whitley’s Believe It Or Not: Please don’t raise a toast to this sports celebration
I’ve got to be honest, this is the slowest stretch of the sports year unless you’re an Italian soccer fan. There’s not that much to write about, though one thing grabbed my eyeballs over the weekend because of the threat it poses to our sporting way of life.
I’m talking, of course, about the shoey.
That’s when someone celebrates an occasion by drinking from a shoe. I didn’t know it had become popular until I saw highlights of Saturday night’s UFC 264 main card.
Heavyweight Tai Tuivasa won his bout, climbed on top of the octagon wall, poured a beer into a red-white-and-blue Nike and guzzled it down. The sellout crowd of 20,000-plus in Las Vegas and the internet went wild.
I went “Yech,” but maybe I’ve smelled one too many sweaty sneaker. A little research revealed the shoey is big in Tuivasa’s native Australia. Then again, so is eating kangaroos.
Aussie Formula One driver Daniel Ricciardo has popularized shoeys in that circuit. Patrick Stewart, aka Capt. Jean-Luc Picard from “Star Trek: The Next Generation,” even did a shoey with Ricciardo on the winner’s platform in 2017.
Based on how the reaction Saturday night, I fear the shoey is going to catch on. The Gatorade shower might be replaced by the Gatorade shoey.
As the kid said to Shoeless Joe Jackson, “Say it ain’t so.”
Our country’s future looks shaky enough. The last thing America needs is for countless impressionable kids to watch Tom Brady guzzle champagne from his cleats after winning the next Super Bowl.
So consider this a plea to America’s sports stars. If the shoe fits, feel free to wear it, customize it or, in Marco Wilson’s case, throw it.
But please, don’t drink from it. …
Stud of the Week – San Diego reliever Daniel Camarena, who became the first pitcher since 1898 to hit a grand slam for his first Major League at-bat. It was only his second MLB at-bat. And he did it off three-time Cy Young winner Max Scherzer, who hadn’t given up a home run to a pitcher in his 14-year career.
Honorable mention — Dan Mullen, who posted a video of him doing a 360-degree spin while “wakesurfing” behind a boat. Not to be outdone, the Alabama football office immediately posted a video of Nick Saban walking on water.
Dud of the Week — Conor McGregor in UFC 264, for refusing to admit Dustin Poirier was cleaning his clock before McGregor’s ankle snapped at the end of the first round.
“Doctor’s stoppage!,” McGregor yelled, trying to create a narrative that he would have come back to win if not for the injury. That was like the runner-up in the 1973 Belmont yelling “Doctor’s stoppage!” as Secretariat stretched his lead to 31 lengths. …
That’s two references to UFC in one column. Told you it was a slow news week. …
Patrick Stewart turns 81 today. He’ll never see 82 if he keeps participating in Formula One celebrations. …
Congratulations to Florida’s baseball team for having three players chosen in the first round of the MLB draft. Unfortunately for Kevin O’Sullivan, all of them were members of his top-ranked 2021 recruiting class.
Collectively, Andrew Painter, Chase Petty and Jay Allen stand to make $9.1 million in signing bonuses if they go pro. Unless a baseball-loving UF business tycoon emerges, it’s hard to imagine Name, Image and Likeness money competing with that. …
Speaking of which, did you see where Miami fan Dan Lambert is offering to pay every UM football player $600 a month to endorse his gyms? That actually represents a 47% decrease from what Dennis Erickson’s players used to get. …
Jean-Luc Picard was cool, but Capt. James T. Kirk will always rule the cosmos. …
Tom Brady has signed an endorsement deal with Subway, even though Mr. Kale Sandwich has never been within 10 feet of a Cold Cut Combo. If the money’s right, maybe he would drink his electrolyte-infused water out of Rob Gronkowski’s shoe. …
Say It Ain’t So II — Legend has it a heartbroken kid said that after Jackson supposedly admitted to fixing the 1919 World Series. The story was actually concocted by a sportswriter. But fear not, it was the last time a sportswriter made anything up. …
I’ve eaten grilled kangaroo. Can’t recommend it, but I did hop right out of bed the next morning. ….
An Australian TV network had lab tests run on shoeys and found the bacteria could cause vomiting, nausea, septicaemia, pneumonia and diarrhea. Vodka actually slowed the growth of bacteria, but champagne revved up the germs.
“You can get some bacteria that can survive into the stomach — alive — after being immersed for one minute in sparkling wine,” a researcher said.
Raise your hand if you want Giannis Antetokounmpo or Chris Paul to pour champagne into his sneaker and hand it to Commissioner Adam Silver during the NBA Finals victory celebration. …
Camarena II — San Diego trailed 8-0 in that game, prompting broadcaster Mark Grant to say he’d walk from Alpine, Calif., to the Petco Park if the Padres came back to win. Now he’s on the hook to walk 29 miles to work one day. …
I have no idea what “septicaemia” is, but I think thousands of UF fans might get it if the defense isn’t better this year. …
McFraud — Conor McGregor has now won one fight in four-plus years, but he’s made about $46 million. That’s the worst return on investment since FSU hired Willie Taggart. …
That’s not all the space we have for this week’s Whitley’s Believe It or Not, but my wrist hurts so I’m calling a doctor’s stoppage before you can cancel your subscription. If you feel like celebrating with a cold one, please use a glass.
— David Whitley is The Gainesville Sun’s sports columnist. Contact him at dwhitley@gannett.com. And follow him on Twitter: @DavidEWhitley